Our Open Vulnerable Egos

I have an open ego. What that means for me, in Human Design terms, is the part of my Design that houses the ego is an open book, often filled with script and messages written by others, most of which were untrue for me as a unique individual. I have had to learn to rewrite my open book which, in my case, meant rewriting my own story. Sometimes it means erasing the content all together.

I spent most of my life trying to prove myself. I measured myself against people I admired, even envied. I trapped myself in the world of different network marketing companies trying to prove myself. I went to conference after conference, filled with no less than ten thousand, sometimes 35 thousand, people. The seduction of success that awaited me in those crowds was hypnotizing, seductive. While the commerarderie was quite enjoyable for me as someone who loves to network and enjoys the company of others, the mass conditioning I received at those events sent me home with a mind full of empty probabilities (aka, guarantees of success) that soon melted in my willful hot attempt to make it all work. It never did, work that is. I, however, worked myself into chronic fatigue, a variety of health issues, and serious digestive challenges. I spent no less than ten years of my life mired in the world of “if I build it, they will come,” trying to make “it” all work, nearly killed myself in the process. Not to mention disappointing and hurting many people along the way.

I spent so much of my life trying to beat down my challenges so I could experience success, so I could prove I was worthy enough, valuable enough, to be loved. Nothing was more destructive or detrimental to my health. Not just mental, emotional, spiritual health, but to my physical health. Over the years my body has suffered from a need to be all things, to prove myself. After nearly seven years, Human Design has delivered a peaceful awareness that is truly beyond understanding. I have a deep respect, even a compassion, for the struggles I faced. That we all face.

My Human Design adventure has gifted me with a rare inside view of myself, my inner road map, and the courage to trust the person I was born to be. I have learned the value that waiting gives my life and how that waiting protects me. I am able to wait for the moment that is correct for me, the one my body’s GPS signals out when I become quiet and listen. The more aware I am, I am also acutely aware of the echo of my conditioned mental nagging, of all the “have tos” and “shoulds” that used to run my life. They are gratefully, slowly, fading into the silence of nothingness. My sense of personal freedome is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Not always easy, but pefect in every way.

I no longer allow my open ego to push me around, to make decisions for me. I wait. Tomorrow is a long way away for me. Even 10 minutes is a long way away at times. The sands shift, the moment changes, and it is imperative for me and my well-being to wait until I can gracefully shift into the decision that is correct for me to make. To clarify, my is different than someone elses but for some, this may ring true. None of us are here to compromise our Design, our integrity, our spirit, or our unique beautiful life that we are so fortunate to have. We don’t have to give up the deeply profound definition that makes us so beautifully and uniquely who we are. There truly is no need to compromise ouselves so others will accept or love us. Our worthiness is innate, we were born with.

You, me, and even the other guy, we are all in the same boat. We came here in a perfected vehicle and we all must journey on an open sea that is sometimes calm and others times turbulent. We get conditioned by the storms, by the outside world, until we lose our wonder and respect for the life we all share here on the planet. Without wonder, we forget we are quite capable to navigate the miriad of challenges we face.

Until next time, love yourself. Trust yourself. You are your own perfect partner.

Candace

The Human Design system provides a body map that allows each person to understand their strengths, their weaknesses, and their vulnerabilities. Knowing how we function in the world and why we do the things we do has been a liberating and healing experience for those who embrace and trust the information found within their own unequaled Body Chart. The knowledge is meant to be tested and through experimentation anyone can validate its application as it applies to them. Through experimentation, and in time, many exeperience satisfaction, peace, success and surprise each and every day, even through challenges. If you’d like to know if Human Design is correct for you please visit www.jovian.com or contact me at candaceconradi@gmail.com for more information or to have your questions answered.